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"This is neither fun nor funny"

"Junk it"

“The plane is delayed…. The plane is delayed…. The plane is delayed…. The flight has been
canceled!!!!… aaarrrgg!!”

"Excuse me sir, you're in my sun"

"800 pound chicken"

"You scratch floor, it come out of pay!"


“My doctor in this country doesn’t speak English?… I’m just here for the flu!!!”

"Note to self..."

"Somethin's up man"

"It's all about the goodness"

"It's 3:30 am. I'm broken down on the side of the road with all the equipment. Have a good night."

"Is that a new amp?"

"Is that a new amp?"

"Is that a new amp?"

"Do you have a pick?"

"Is that guy pissing on my truck? Good thing it's a rental."

"Got any ass stickers?"

"Do you guys have more than one plug?"

"How do you get there?"

“This is your pilot here we lost our engines and are going down….. …. Laughter from the pilot … I’m just
Kidding folks everything is fine!!!!”

"Got any duct tape?"

"It's rough"

"Are you guys in a band?"

"At least we didn't get heckled"

“The good news is all your luggage made it past customs…. Bad news is your music equipment will be
delayed for a couple of days… by the way the show is tomorrow”

"Where's Fred?"


“Your Fired!!! Your Fired!!! Your Fired!!! Your hired!! Your Fired!!! Your Hired!!! Your Fired!!! Your Hired!!!


"You did what with a sheep? … What a weird country!!!"

“See that fence … in this country you pass that they shoot you… thanks good to know…”

"What size are those?"

"Gary, it's you!"

"Earth to stupid guy"

“Hi I’m the hired session drummer with 22years experience and national acts to my name … now
what was the songs again?”

"Are you guys Cannibal Corpse?"

"At least we're not dodging heads of lettuce"

"Did that guy just jump into the dumpster? (half hour later).. He's still in there..(hour later)
..he's still in there...(2 hours later)..does he live in there?"

"The dumpster guy talks!"

"The dumpsters are especially ripe tonight"

"This will be a really good gig for you, it will be great exposure for you. (we'll be playing for free)"

"What's your favorite baseball team? Mine's the Patriots."


suitcases and airports!!!
I finally had a minute in between all the signings, guitar clinics, shows, recording, etc... so I just had to
ask is there anyone who makes suitcases with wheels that don't fall off when you arrive to your destination?? Now being a guy
who spends more time in airplanes then I do in my own car I would love just once to go an entire year (make that an entire week!!)
without having to buy new suitcases!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What do these airlines do to our suitcases when they leave for their long and eventful
journey to our plane, or I should say if we are lucky they make it to our plane!!! It seems no matter what kind of suitcase with wheels I buy
these wheels seem to take these opportunities during flight to parachute off the plane and leave me with a suitcase with one wheel!!
I guess that one wheel drew the shortest straw!!! Oh well I just had to take this opportunity to rant about the fact that I have the biggest
collection of suitcases without wheels!!!!! Does anyone need some black paper weights with zippers and a handle? ..haha!!..